On logical terms, perhaps I should be hating you after everything that has happened.

Why should I care? After all that hurt that I felt and pain and sleepless nights.

The feeling of utter failure that you slapped me with over, and over again.

The despondency, the desperation. How easily it ended.

It was kind of cruel in many ways, and even up till today I still shudder when I think about it.

But every human being is bestowed the gift of choice and I knowingly hung on even when it was clear there would be no light at the end of the tunnel, no silver lining to this particular cloud.

You made your choice too. I don't dare recall the details but all I remember was that it was of close proximity to your birthday.

And I meddled too much... Was it that big a over-step? Nah, I think it was more of a catalyst that just spiraled out of control. Before I knew it, we were strangers like when we first saw each other in class.

We never had a serious talk about our differences, how we were to sort it out to move forward.

I never knew how you ever felt about me, that is one question that I really really would want an answer to. But knowing you, you wouldn't answer it straight up.

A drunk mind speaks a sober heart. Would it even count? I don't know...

Brought up in a climate of excellence, could I fail if I put in effort?

Yeah I did. I gave it my everything, I read up on ways and methodologies. I was so committed it was crazy.

What do I attribute my failure to then? Was it the wrong person or was it just me.

It was me. My character is just not suited for anything but individual excellence.

You taught me what it felt to love someone. You showed me how to cry from wrenching hurt. You brought me untold happiness and endless smiles. You kept me entertained with your endless antics when I didn't want to sleep. At the end of the day, you made my life feel complete for a span of time.

For that alone, I can never bring myself to hate you.

I still care, I care so much it is plain ridiculous.

All I want is for you to be infinitely happy with whoever can bring you happiness.

Perhaps one day when you get married and I see you, I will ask you the question.

"Were you ever serious about me before?"

Till then, I will remain in the background, always being there for you if you ever need someone.

Because that was my promise to you.