Sometimes you just wish you could talk to somebody about your fears and insecurities uncensored.

Without the possibility of coming across as arrogant, proud or just being judged.

Life seemed to be much simpler back then, when life was extremely routine, and bestowed with the freedom of choice.

Is it the army culture that is wearing me down bit by bit? Or is it something else.

Could it be the lack of personal attainment which is primarily my main life force?

I've achieved what is recognized as the best in whatever I took pride in and whatever I made an extreme effort in.

Perhaps that bred a confidence which brinks on arrogance. The ability to be efficient yet effective, much beyond those that my peers are able to achieve.

Does it mean I am that much more talented? Or am I just so fucking lazy that I keep cutting corners yet somehow through the abundance of luck and opportunity that I succeed.

Make no fucking mistake about it, I have big dreams, big ambitions and big hopes.

But when reality doesn't match up to your expectations...

Am I really as strong as I think myself to be?

Or is it just a facade that I created to instill a strong sense of confidence and valor in the tasks I set out to do.

I am really really not sure.

At the end of the day, when I die, will I look back and count all my achievements?

Or will I instead count the things that I could've done but not done.

Ultimately, regret has always been a throbbing vibe in my being.

I doubt it will go away.