an unbalanced equation.

Life is so mercurial, it is so hard to come to terms with it.

What started off as an intention to fulfill a promise, has evolved into a rekindling of the past.

When things are beginning to look up, somewhere along the line, something goes wrong, and nothing is made known.

The thing that bothers me the most, is that how can you think that you are great friends with someone in one week, and the next week you find the person too much.

The tone in the voice, the heavy sarcasm, the antics.

Wasn't it all there before? So what has changed? Or is it simply I have reached my limit?

Why is it some people have their life planned out for them, everything is just a matter of preference.

Yes or No.

While some others must always keep in consideration the feelings of others.

Making calculated decisions. Always thinking.

When things go wrong, guess who receives the shit.

When things go right, guess who receives the benefits.

I really wish I could just let it all out.

I really hope someone could tell me what to do.

Where I have gone wrong.

Don't bother asking anyway.

You'll probably think I am a stuck up whiny fucker.

That's fine. I probably am one.

Which is why I don't even bother finding anyone to talk to anymore.

When everything you stake claim to,

abandons you.

When everything you thought was natural

Was in fact delusional.

When you begin to dispute with the mirror.

what would you do?


When hard work does not equate success, and talent is insufficient.

Would this simply mean that I was wrong?

Laden with fear and anxiety, compressed between good and wrong.

Encircled with an banishing shroud of darkness,

I stretch out my right arm, illuminating a path out.

Strangely, I fall backwards, and fall into an deceptive slumber.

I was in my element.

My friend got me some Japanese coffee!

taste pretty good! and some other jap snacks which is also pretty damn good.

Japan, ah Japan.

I WANT TO GO THERE.

BUT NO CHANCE. WTF.

>_<

I been trying for like dunno how many months to get the jacket,

Visited school in vain twice, countless emails and chats.

And when I was supposed to collect it today FINALLY!

The guy in charge is on leave for a week!

:|

Regardless! It will come soon! Hopefully.

=O

I'm in so much fucking pain.

I don't even know why am I still doing this.

Or why I even agreed to do so.

But it's pretty apparent.

A man is only as good as his word.

And since I made a promise, I would do my best.

If only I could get a little solace or comfort somewhere.

It's a terrible feeling to have almost every body part in pain for 4 days in a row.

Regardless, once i'm done with this, all my obligations are over.

All my promises have been fulfilled.

Then, I can finally vindicate myself.

And be rid of the mercurial side of me.



anyway, on a side note,

some people should learn how to fuck off.

一山比一山高.A chinese idiom, which directly translates means that one mountain is taller than the other mountain. Putting into context, it just means that there is always someone better than you. If you haven't guessed yet, my essay for today, is about winning, and being the best. If you dislike mountains of words, don't bother continuing, but maybe if you read it, maybe you can garner an greater insight into life, because I always widen my perspectives, with each and every essay I put my heart into.


"Nobody likes losing" This is a statement that has been repeatedly howled into my ears, and from my mouth into others. On deeper examination, how far is that statement true, and how far are we willing to go, to make sure we never lose?

You may jump up behind your seat, hands up in the air and hollering profanities at my statement because you actually like losing. Keep calm and relax first, lets do a dissection of certain actions. For example, some people may "act dumb", and get scolded for no reason to avoid doing something. Though the part where you are looked down by others may be considered losing, in theory you are losing respect or faith from others, you are actually winning! Because simply, you avoided doing that something, but it was only at a cost. Back to context, as skeptical as I am, I would fully adhere to the convention, and say that nobody ever likes losing.

That being said, winning is in the blood of everyone, and on top of everyone's want list. When all the complications of life clears up, doubt is parried, and the dust has settled, it all boils down whether we won or we lost. As stupid as it may sound, even the simplest of actions like buying a drink from a shop, may be actually considered that we won! We succeeded in buying a drink, hence "won", and we feel satisfied. Such simple matters that are vindicated from any difficulty, are hardly thought about.

So how far are we willing to go to ensure a win in every situation? It all depends on how humble we are. The humility of everyone differs by the individual. Some people may regard winning as their sole reason of existence, some may regard winning as an added bonus. Of course with each individual, with differing priorities, the importance of winning in each matter would of course be almost immeasurable. To cite an simple example to clarify all those near senseless words, 2 people. A and B. Both of them like playing bowling and badminton. Here we established 2 situations. A may prioritize bowling more, while B with badminton. Simply put, not everyone regards winning in a particular situation as important as you.

Out comes the theory of humility. if A beats B in bowling, B must be able to accept that though he does not really likes losing, he can ACCEPT the defeat, because A is simply better. B has been humbled by A in bowling. Realizing bowling is not his forte, he would not place such immense importance in winning on bowling, and would accept that losing in bowling is natural.

Of course there is always room for improvement. Some people may regard losing as an driving force to train harder, and losing to be a measure of weakness. This are the strong-willed people, who work towards their goals, and take nothing for granted. This is where arrogance is born. When someone who work so hard for his goals, and takes losing as a sign of weakness, it is highly likely that anyone who is inferior to him, he will look down on them. Staking claim to being the best there is.

Everyone granted with the ability to be better than someone, should always extend an sincere helping hand to others, because everyone in this world is granted with an innate ability that will radiate in due time. If yours have came out early, share that glow of life with others. NEVER, NEVER keep it to yourself. Don't do it for the future rewards you may reap. But do it, because sincerity to others, will not only invoke an feeling of warmth and gratitude into others, you may be their one glimmer of hope for what you know.

Ambitious people are valued in society. It is imperative that Ambitious people are mingled with arrogance. But let us restrict that to being a tinge of arrogance, almost a zest, let it be a light shade of our strong personalities, and not be an overwhelming dark force that seeks only to devour everything in its way.

No matter how good you are, always remember, that without the people around you, you are still nothing. You may be the best chef but without customers, you going to feed yourself with what? your knowledge? Everything is inter-related. Good friends have a way to humble you, make more of those.

Life is an enigma. Everything that I say here is merely my point of view, intended to be as neutral as I can. To everyone who made it this far, I hope this post has granted an slight insight. If it hasn't well, that sucks. But at least I felt I can take away something from this post.

And to put things in perspective. Many of the things I wrote could actually be references to myself. I admit to my flaws. Nobody is perfect, but I'll say i'm pretty damn far from being that!

Take it from me.
Humility mixed with pride and confidence is the way to go.
Arrogance with a tinge of humility is a measure of a jerk.

I'm so damn mercurial, it's enigmatic!
HAHA.

NP vs ITE.

We lost 0-20.

Pretty saddening, especially when it was all our mistakes that cost us the win.

And whats more we were so domineering in the first half.

Oh well.

We came close to scoring twice! but referee just wouldnt put his whistle down. sigh.

Beyond that, I came out with 2 cuts above my right eye, many other bruises...

And I swear i thought i tore my shoulder ligament.

After 1 tackle, my entire left arm, went HOT. as in felt really damn hot.

But okay la. the physio came over spray some cold spray then I just continue lo.

End of the game, he told me is I just hit the nerve on my shoulder.

Phew. lolol.

Regardless, still in a shit lot of pain.

Back, trapes, thighs.

):

So many people are either on holiday or going on holiday all of a sudden!

weird weird weird!

it's great to get away from this stupid city.

So goddamn boring. can't take it.

lolol.

randomx3

OH WELLL... :/

To everyone!

Bon Voyage and Balek Kampong(return home) safely!

I'm so bored I need more people to go out with!

Maybe not really, but yeah, more people = more things to do! =O

Catch ya people when you guys come back!

Till thennnnn!

GG GL HF!

Just a solitary thought though,

How much influence does songs exerts on us!


Chris Daughtry's over you.

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you are the one,
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left,
Just left me cold and out of breath
I fell too fast and way too deep
Guess I let you get the best of me!

I never saw it coming,
should have started running a long long time ago
And i never thought I'll doubt you, better off without you
more than you more than you know
I'm slowly getting closure, I guess it's really over
I'm finally getting better
Now i'm picking up the pieces,
spending all of this years,
moulding my heart back together
The day I thought i'll never get through
I got over you!


fucking good song..!

I've been given a new lease of life, from god knows where or what.

And you know what, i'm not going to waste it anymore.

I'm going to live life my way. Maybe that was a wake up call.

Regardless, i'm feeling pretty fucking psyched over nothing.

I'm pretty sure some people noticed how fucking lame I am these past few days.

Cause that's the real me! LAME beyond measure!

yeah yeah, go ahead and punch me when your drunk cause i'm too lame. LOL.

And SOOOOO. to commemorate this 'milestone' not,

I shall do one of my favorite pasttimes!

and no, it is not gaming, or cooking, or eating.

it's writing!

STAY TUNED for a pretty fucking lame essay tomorrow or something!

(: (: (:

I'm back in rugby AGAIN.

Went for my first training on wednesday in a LOOOOONG time.

And amazingly, I wasn't as unfit as I thought I was. =O

Must be all that workouts on wednesdays!

Next week POLITE starts, and sooooooo

First Game: 12 Oct (Monday) 6pm against ITE
Second Game: 15 Oct (Thursday) 6pm against RP
Third Game: 19 Oct (Monday) 6pm against TP
Fourth Game: 26 Oct ( Monday) 7.45pm against SP

Wont bother elaborating here, nobody understands rugby anyway.

On a side note,

It is so interesting how people keep saying,

"tell me your problems I will help you."

And when you actually do, and they are in the position to do something, they don't.

Then why bother offering help?

2 thoughts for today.

Hypocritical vs Chivalrous

Vindicated vs Convicted.

I heard you're doing okay,
But i want you to know
I'm a dick
I'm addicted to you
I can't pretend I don't care
When you don't think about me
Do you think I deserve this?
I tried to make you happy but you left anyway.

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now It's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

Since the day I met you
After all we've been through
I'm still a dick
I'm addicted to you
I think you know its true
I'd run a thousand miles to get you
I tried to make you happy
I did all that I could
Just to keep you
But you left anyway

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now It's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

How long will I be waiting?
Until the end of time
I don't know why i'm still waiting
I can't make you mine

I'm trying to forget that
I'm addicted to you
But I want it and I need it
I'm addicted to you
Now It's over
Can't forget what you said
And I never wanna do this again
Heartbreaker

Heartbreaker
I'm addicted to you

It's weird to be at home on a wednesdayyyyyyy night! :/

The last time I was at home, was like 1 month ago? =/

Right now its 12:48PM!

It should be Just Dance right now.

And in 20 minutes, its fire burning!

And in between 1:10 and 1:50, will have other cool songs! like apologize, boom boom pow, love game, paparazzi, hot n cold!

And at 1:50...

I GOTTA FEELING!

Oh well, and i'm at home writing this.

SUX. :/

No pain, no gain! Win some, lose some! benefits vs risks!


Okays... i'm epic tired.

i ShAlL hIt thE bEd SoOn YeAh.

lol! what the fuck lame things am i writing, and im lazy to backspace.

no wonder i'm broke.

This holidays I did far too much shopping!

5 T-Shirts
2 Shirts
1 Jacket
1 Liverpool Jersey
1 Puma Shoes

= $200+90+84+50
= $424

OMFG. >.<

Many recent events, have incited thoughts into my brain. The most compelling one, was a question posed.

"Who are your true friends?"

I have often classified clearly who my good friends, best friends or ordinary friends are. But I realized, on a deeper look, there seems to be many discrepancies and gray areas. This topic has always been on my mind since some time back, when I was in dire need of a listening ear, and was in search for the right one.

In the time when I just needed to talk, only a few people pulled through for me. Some who I thought were good friends, seemed entirely disinterested. Maybe, it was merely a misconception of my part, or i misinterpreted. But i'm guessing its the earlier. The recent spate of events, invoked those questions into my head again. Right then, I realized.

Initially, in all honesty, I entered Poly, with the intention of phasing through poly life. I hated school. I only liked fridays, because that was the only day, I could be myself, and stop putting up with a false front in front of every damn person in the school. Every Friday, was a fun night. Regardless! 4 hours. 3 hours. 2 hours. Even just for a dinner with any of my usual pals, was the most enjoyable thing in Poly.

There we will sit, random chat, bitch and laugh at about every thing there is in Poly. But as my Poly life went on, I actually begun liking school to a certain extent! Year 1, saw me actively playing games in every class with my classmates, and sometimes at home. skipping lessons together to poker. all those kind of stuff that was by Poly, nostalgic.

To present, I thought that I could find insanely good pals outside of my adolescence. Apparently that was merely blind wishing and hope on my part. What I garner is in its purity, merely schoolmates, people who are like the previous me, with the mere intention to transit through school. Maybe I should start hating school again. Not even for the friends. Nothing seems worthwhile for me anymore.

3 paragraphs to summarize my social life in Polytechnic. 0 words to take away from it. I have always been sincere to all but one person. I mostly went out of my way for anyone. I am almost a spectre, doing numerous positive deeds without a reason, sometimes without even staking claim to it. But what did I get. lol. I'm convinced that all I got, are MANY schoolmates.

I apparently side tracked too far. I think this post is a little too wordy, so to make the conclusion short.

I apparently reshuffled who's where in my circle of friends. I'm pretty sure as a friend of mine, you wouldn't actually give a fuck as to how I would rate you right? But all I would say is, best pals yeah. And for the others... Well, I will still remain as I am. Without the extra mile.

Maybe I never did it. Maybe people just don't know. I couldn't care anyway.


one of the many grievances thats plaguing me.
I guess i'm pretty messed up.
lolol

I need to stop going out.

But then if I stay at home, i'll be bored beyond belief.

But if I do go out, it's so expensive..

zzz. dilemma!

a few good things to note.

1) Chivas Promotion is on in OCT TOO! WHICH MEANSSSSSSSSSSSS. LOL.
2) I gotta feeling, that tonight's is gonna be a high night! (:
3) PRAWNY SOON AGAIN! WOOOOOO
4) I've gained greater clarity!


on a random thought, I think i'm the perfect example of an "rebellious" or most "un-nerd" student!

#1 I don't take part in school activities
#2 I barely do my tutorials
#3 I don't listen in lectures
#4 I skip lectures
#5 I always make a din in the class
#6 I indulge in whatever that needs you to be 18.
#7 AND MORE.
#8 I sleep pretty late! Though not the latest in my msn list. (OBVIOUSLY WTF WHO CAN BEAT YOU)
#9 I play lots of games.
#10 I'm pretty updated with the trends!

10 reasons why I am not nerd. (: