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piquant sauce.

mushroom sauce.

black pepper sauce.

pork loin.

chicken breast.

chicken fillet.


//


Fettucine

Rotini

Spaghetti

Macaroni

Aglio Olio

Cheese

Tomato-based.


//


Garlic

Onion

Chilli

Lemon

Ginger

Humans are a wretched race. We were never intended for utmost happiness, and always intended for that unwavering pining for that something we do not posses. Life is meant to be un-fulfilling. When people achieve independence, will they pine for dependence, and when people are stuck in the confines of dependence, would they want to break off the shackles, and make their way towards independence. But then again, when the smoke clears, and the dust settles, did we actually want a change? The grass is always greener on the other side. Really, that is really the perfect description of how shallow, fucked up and idiotic humans are. That being said, I am definitely not exempted from that claim, and am instead one of the forerunners in proving my analogy.


Once, simplicity appeared to be a burden, and the feeling of dread would engulf my being, whenever that thought appeared. Once, dependence was very much restrictive, and the concept of independence appeared so appealing.

The void left behind by my condemnation of simplicity, has been hard to cover. I've been trying so hard, that sometimes I almost stumble over myself, in my desperate pursuit to recover that sensation.

Everyone wants independence. I was no exception, but when I got it, i really got it. Probably whatever i say next would make no sense, because in actual fact, theres noone who can understand genuinely how i feel. So yeah, guess i'll leave it at there.

Right now, all i'm pining for is the old days to return. days of innocence, days of peace, days of homework, days of unsung joy. If given a choice to rewind time, would i have chose something differently? yes, i would have. starting by not trying so hard to achieve mundane happiness. that's not what most normal people would want. and trust me, i'm one of the majority.


Foundations. Does that word ring any bells? Sure it does, we hear it through our entire education life. Primary school is the foundation for secondary school, secondary is the foundation for post-secondary education. etc. But this is also very applicable to our life. The foundations of our youth, shapes the way we are when we grow up. Why does a person enjoys computer games so much? Why does a person hate playing computer games? Why does a person always seem so joyful? Why does a person always seem so sulky? Why does some people smoke? Why don't some people smoke? Is it entirely genetic? or is there something else?


There are so many things that can be disputed in life. But taking a step back, it can all be traced back, to where it really counts, and that is our foundations, the fundamental years of our lives, primary and secondary school.

I know I am not a very good person, fuck, I know that I am actually pretty much a bad influence. I don't even want to start listing down, but i'm sure many people will know how fucked up I am. you don't have to say it. I can probably sense what everyone thinks already.

I have already decided to stop changing myself to suit every single person around. I don't want to change anymore. I am so fucking tired of trying. Look at me. I've tried so hard since secondary 3, to rediscover that feeling, and just when i thought I was so close, It just slipped out again, and now its near impossible. I once hoped to be attached by the time I am 18.

But you know what? I am already so disillusioned, so hapless, so helpless that I have already given up hope.

So the last thing I will say.

True, I may be one of the most fucked up person you may know.
In more ways than one.

but tbh, i don't give much of a shit anymore. not after all the crap i had to go through to get here. so yeah. life sucks, ill get over it soon.

Effort, Results. What is effort? The amount of work you put in to achieve something. Results is that something. Throughout the grueling course of our existence, we have been constantly reminded by our elders that effort equates results. the more effort we put in, the greater the results we will expect to see. Being a skeptic, I never believed in it, and my resolution has been ever-growing, as i matured from being a fledgling, into a near-coming 18 year old, teenager. Expect. it linked me to another idiom, the greater the expectations, the harder you fall.


In the past 5-6 months, so many things have happened. I experienced happiness, sadness, disappointment, despondency, euphoria. It left a huge imprint on me, and it set me going. If effort equates results, shouldn't life be fair? Plain for all to see, its pretty damn obvious that life is not fair. I wouldn't go into emotional fairness, but to cite an example that is easier to relate to, i shall jump onto the materialistic wagon.

"Why does my friend have more allowance than me?"
"Why doesn't my friend need to work?"
"How come my friend who is about the same age as me, have a car to drive and i do not?"
"Why my friend have an Iphone? isn't it like $1k?"

Have any of these thoughts ever crossed your mind? if it did, its perfectly normal. It all adds up to life isn't fair, at least materialistically-wise. But as i said, im a skeptic. i believe life IS fair. You think your friend has more money than you means hes happy? And that just because you have less, you are more unhappy as you have to work.

the truth is, it does not work that way. material possessions only serve to fill the void left behind. voids that can't be filled with banknotes. voids that can't be filled with branded goods. voids that can only be filled with emotions. it's funny how we humans work. we conceal so much from others, that it's almost unnatural whenever we move out of our sanctuary. the unnatural nature of our behavior, over time has fused to become our natural behavior.


But then again, if life was fair, why is it that a perfectly young healthy individual can have medical issues, which I as a person who indulges in vices, not have? does life have another plan for me? Will it just decide to fuck me off this planet come the morrow? i wouldn't know. Its incredibly baffling and enigmatic, how anyone can rate themselves over others, when in actual truth, we are all equal, in that our future is shrouded with the unknown.


I seriously lost most of my confidence in the past few weeks.

I so untalented, that its almost sad, and pathetic.

I tried. I really tried. but nothing ever works out.

So whatever. fuck me. s2bm whatever makes u happy.


//















fuck

The enigmatic force.

The omnipotent power.

The boundless energy.

Life.

If fate is anything near an indulgence,

And what we would be in life was decided by tarot cards,

fuck life.

Everything that once was so clear, has begun fading.

Everything that I couldn't understand. Now appear to be further shrouded with doubt.

At 17, how could anyone sense their impending mortality?

And the actual meaning of that too.

This is why, I've given up hoping too much.

For that feeling.

That feeling.

it dosen't work that way anymore i guess.

Life's too short.

revel in the uncertainty.



S2BM FON.

Sunday :

Sent my dad off to the airport. 1230 flight.

on fathers day!

on deep examination on the implications,

the feeling sucks.

it really does.

but now, that everything have came and gone, it appears to me, that its back to what formerly been.

so yeah.

under little to no scrutiny, imbued with rapturous freedom. tethering on the edge of desolation. lolol.

Went to play golf.

Table tennis

Pool.

SONG! lolol.

AHAHAHA im sure everyone had a great dinner tonight with their dad! (:

(: (:

Heres my very wonderful dinner! XO Bowl noodles! try it, its fucken good! i'm not shitting lol. hahahah! (:

Saturday :

I REALISED SOMETHING. VOLLEYBALLS AIN'T MEANT TO BE TAKEN AS A SOCCER BALL.

MY BROTHER AND I KICKED IT FOR LIKE 40 MINUTES.

AND BOOM!

GG NO RE.

=|

Having a little bit of mixed feelings now.

Dad's going back to China again, to work. and this time he'll be gone for 1.5 months again.

It's actually rather saddening to think that my dad at his kind of age, have to go overseas to work.

Back then he told me, because i'm overseas, you'll get double the usual allowance.

So ya. right now my allowance is pretty decent ill guess.

It was like a trade-off that i wasn't given a choice in.

So heres where the mixed feelings surface.

I don't know.

I really don't know.

>.<

so many things to say.

but no way to put it in any form of communication.

without making it sound whiny boring and lame.

oh well.

:\

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ANYWAY........!



i think i look quite cool in this picture! LOL



Me and JAYGGX! hahahah



commentator weiyang!



i find i look even more cool in this photo la!



warcraft singapore photo!

on a side note!

happy birthday magdalene!

At last. the sweet taste of vindication.

no more messy rooms.

no more sleeping amongst books.

no more fucking around with my brain.

now its time...

to get wasted yo!

(:

Had a very bad nightmare on tuesday morning.

It was one filled with emotions.

I could feel those emotions pulsating through me.

I fucking wished it wasn't true.

but why?

it should be of not much concern to me.

god. ):

Haven't posted in awhile.

So ya. been busy with studies and all.

IFA was on sat, Tax was yesterday.

rather okay. though some mistakes... are gonna pwn me hard.

oh well.

left cost.

hopefully...................

i can get something out of it :\

Pot of self-made tomato sauce!



Rotini with cheesy meatballs and cheesy chicken pieces!

fucking excited. i planned out my menu for tomorrow today!

cheese-meatballs! self-made tomato sauce! spaghetti, fusilli? angel hair is terrible, but its the only thing i have. ):

and i need gourmet salt! though i heard its fucking ex. :\

omg. i feel like eating macaroni and cheese! G_G. mass macaroni, cheese, chicken meat and sausage! omfgomfgomfg!

god. too hungry.


a tribute to my ex-diet. (:

Finally finished all my IFA papers today.

got the last one 100% correct.

quite proud of myself! lolol. after getting 4 papers wrong, due to either things i didn't know, or just stupid mistakes.

but i am honestly pretty damn stressed over this exams.

Wednesday will see me start study my CA.

Thursday will see me almost finish study my CA.

Friday will see me revising my IFA

Saturday will see me grinding my Tax.

Sunday will see me grind finish my tax, then revise.

Monday will prove to be a much awaited rest day!

Tuesday will see me finish my CA then revise!

then wednesday........................

P a r t e h !!

Prawn aglio olio! fucking nice! zomg.



Seafood algio olio! i think i cook this wrongly. =\ but the lemon and chilli added was <3! =D