Does my demeanor exact so little respect?

I have always believed in mutual respect, and as far I am concerned, I never stopped respecting anyone.

So when then is this feeling not reciprocated?

Does the problem lie with me?

Or is it just because i'm surrounded by uncouth people, who care for nothing except their personal gratification.

well, whatever man. as i said, its mutual, i will do unto you, what you have done unto me. regardless of who you are. (:


On a better note!


It seems that the many fucked up feelings I have been having, has dissipated!

I have accepted the fact, and I will no longer hope for the impossible!

So thanks for the many encouragements from many people!

I know many of you don't even come here, but whatever.

I KNOW I WHINE ALOT YEAH. THANKS FOR HEARING ME WHINE, WHINE AND WHINE. about people you don't even know too! LOLOL!

<3 <3 <3 <3 <3

=D whooots! =P

-oxyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!

ate so god damn much today, and yet im still hungry now! at 1015PM!

started the day with 1 boost bar, cause i was so damn late.

had a footlong subway sandwich for lunch.

had a kinder bueno when i reached home.

had a medium sized dinner with soups and pork.

had a cheng tng after dinner.

had another kinder bueno.

had some potato chips.

had a packet of biscuits

had another bottle of hoegardens

AND IM STILL HUNGRY. WTF. time to go find more food =|




TIRED AND IN PAIN.

poor neck, shoulder and head.

and i got sent off today! in the finals!. omfg. ): but we still won! hahahaha!

my virgin yellow card laaaaaaaaaaa wtf. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZ WRONG!

This isn't good bye.
Even as I watch you leave
This isnt good bye.
I swear i won't cry
even as tears fill in my eyes.
i swear i won't cry.

any other girl i'll let you walk away.
any other girl i'm sure i'll be okay.

tell me what makes a man.
wanna give you all his heart
smile when you are around
and cry when your apart.
if you know what makes a man
wanna love you the way i do.
girl you gotta let me know,
so i can go over you.

what makes her so right?
is it the sound of the laugh
that look in her eyes.
when do you decide
she was is dream that you seek
that force in your life

when you apologize no matter who was wrong
When you get on your knees if that would bring her home

tell me what makes a man
wanna give you all his heart
smile when your around
and cry when your apart.
if you know what makes a man
wanna love you the way i do.

girl you gotta let me know,
so i can get over you.

other girls will come along, they always do.
whats the point when all i ever want is you.

tell me, tell me what makes a man
wanna give you all his heart.
smile when your around
and cry when your apart.
if you know what makes a man
wanna love you the way i do.

girl you gotta let me know, let me know
girl you gotta let me know,
so i can get over you.

M1 TENS 30 MAY SATURDAY.

9AM - 12PM REPUBLIC POLYTECHNIC.

sian. so far. omg. and what a waste of a saturday.

):




The bright embers on my jealousy.
The reserved glow on my fear.
The convection silencing my thoughts.
The diffusion of my sorrow.
The burning of my hope.

14th June 2009

20 days more.

ok, thats it. i been fucking writing the same thing, over and over again the past week.

and the next day, ill write im okay. i'm sure its so fucking lame.

and make no mistake, ill be the first to acknowledge that.

so for the last time, ill let it out here. in future, this space would hold no more random rants. and till i got something nice to write, its gonna be empty.




rofl. i see no point in resisting it anymore. i've been attempting so hard, to instill fear into myself to ensure i don't fall too deep.

but when it becomes hugely apparent that it offers the last bastion of respite, and its so within grasp, ill take it.

the strength of my coils of delusion, patience, ignorance has been ebbing away.

its only inevitable, that one day, i'll be slapped in the face with reality.

and that what has been happening the past week.

after i told my friend almost everything, he called me amazing, to even still be the person i am now.

still able to carry out the life of a normal person, and rather carefree at that too.

sometimes i find myself amazing too.

but that's simple! because i live for myself! (:

Wah, feel damn good.

1 hour long bitching session.

Sitting at the taxi stand, and hearing me whine for at least 20 minutes straight. UNCENSORED! WOOO.

WOOTZOR.

K NIGHTS TIME TO SLEEP. RUGBY AGAIN TOMORROW AND SOME STUPID PROJ.

SIANED 100%

A mood swing is an extreme or rapid change in mood. Why then do people suffer from mood swings? Personally, I feel that its the accumulated effect of stress, and any action of any scale, is able to invoke a rapid change in mood. Saying thus, i would attribute it to expectations vs reality.

Expectations vs reality? if it was not obvious enough, I am refering to how a person would perceive the outcome of a situation, and the realism of his expectation. It almost draws an immediate mortality to his expectations. And when the facts are laid out for all to see, and it was not what was expected, this would instead constitute a portion of stress.

Stress is omnipresent in this planet. Around every corner, behind you, in front of you. But for the sake of it, ill merely classify them into a few factors, namely studies, actual expectations and relationships. Each and every factor is very closely related.

Study stress is something every teenager care about, if they really perceive themselves to be successful in the future. It is almost imperative that studying time equals exams result. But what if some people are unable to bring themselves to study as much? Or is just not naturally inclined towards the art of the book. This quickly builds up as one of the largest factors of stress, as they realize that the examinations are coming up quickly, and they have to study. It's almost a subconscious feeling, when they feel hapless and useless in the face of exams, when they attempt to study, and nothing goes in. Frustration builds up, the coil binding their mind to their actions is gradually growing thinner, and eventually it snaps. the person goes into sudden depression.

Expectations is something every body has. Whether it is expecting themselves to excel in studies, expecting success from grades, or whatever. Or it can even be expecting people to turn up, and they don't turn up on a outing day. Various expectations has different weightages on a person's mental health, and it all depends on which one a individual prioritizes. over-expectations are also very apparent. just a solitary taste of over-success, would directly invoke high expectations, and when they are unable to see it as a one-time lucky affair, these people crumble under their own expectations, and the feeling is negativity on the climax. Is each individual unique? Yes, and no. As already said, it depends on the invidual. some people feels that studying is their everything, some people don't. thats unique, but for everyone, studying is a part of their list. But then there are a small portion of people, who have entirely unique priorities. This are the people who are most likely to be hit by depression.

i lost sleep over losing a computer game.

what the fuck? was that your reaction?

there i knew it, don't worry its not surprising to see such a reaction. Many people don't understand how people can cry over losing a finals like in soccer, or basketball or any relevant sport. I can fully understand, that we are the minority and i wont seek to fault anyone. Many people have asked me, why do i play so much games? The true reason is something hard to comprehend. It constitutes psychotic. that was the reaction from the one person i told it to. and its the same reason, why i can lost sleep over losing a computer game.

lame? retarded? whatever. i don't give a fuck.

Lastly, relationship stress is another one. emotions are very hard to comprehend, and for a person like me, who has been exposed to very few positive emotions, and many negative ones. Regardless, i can hold close to me, those that i possess. I guess this is fair, i get kicked in the stotmach 100 times, ill get something in return, and those are all my friends that has stuck by me for so many years now. i'm sure some of them would remember how i came from a total unsociable person, to the person i am now. It was a hard change, but yeah i made it! (: To be honest, i know its fucking gay for me to be writing so emotional things.

person physique = big
person attitude = abit nonchalent, friendly and socialable
does not equate emotional posts.

But whateverrrrrrrrrr.

but thank god. for all the fucked up shit i had in my life, and still have,

i still got at least 4 best friends i can talk to whenever i got any problem!
there is at least 3 of the 4 fuckers that would stick by me all the way!
And at least 7 people i can hang out with!
and 1 poly friend i can call a bff!
and some other poly good friends!
and my gaming buddies! Lyn! Aloy! Indian! DANIEL HAPPY?

coming to think of it, prior to poly i told myself ill never hang out with my poly friends. and i didn't! for 2 sems at least. roflcopter.

OKAY. I FEEL MUCH BETTER AFTER WRITING THIS.

REALITY CHECK! LOL STUDY TIME HAHAHA

Cigarette smoking may have effects on the human brain similar to those of antidepressant drugs, and this may explain the high rate of smoking among depressed people and their resistance to quitting.


Researchers have noted previously that depressed people are more likely to smoke and are more resistant to quitting. However, it was unclear if nicotine or other chemicals taken in during smoking directly affected the brains of people who were depressed.


In a new study Dr Gregory Ordway, professor of psychiatry at the University of Mississippi Medical Center, and colleagues examined postmortem samples of locus caeruleus from the brains of seven people who had been heavy smokers and nine who had been non-smokers; all had been mentally healthy. They found that the brains of long term smokers had neurochemical abnormalities similar to the brains of animals treated with antidepressant drugs (Archives of General Psychiatry 2001;58:821-7).
Specifically, the brains of longtime smokers had significantly fewer a -2 adrenoceptors and significantly less of the enzyme tyrosine hydroxylase, which helps to manufacture the brain chemicals noradrenaline and dopamine. These two effects have been reported in animals exposed to antidepressant drugs and are two of the markers used to identify potential antidepressant drugs.


"This may contribute to the high incidence of smoking and difficulty to quit in those who are depressed," Ordway said.


Nicotine's action on the reward system has long been believed to produce drug induced feelings of pleasure and, over time, addiction. Nicotine also has the effect of increasing alertness and enhancing mental performance. In the cardiovascular system, nicotine increases heart rate and blood pressure and restricts blood flow to the heart muscle. The drug stimulates the release of the hormone epinephrine (adrenaline), which further stimulates the nervous system and is responsible for part of the "kick" from nicotine. It also promotes the release of the hormone b endorphin, which inhibits pain.


It is still unclear whether smoking causes the antidepressant effects that researchers observed, or whether people with the relevant brain chemistry are more susceptible to becoming smokers. Ordway said he suspected that smoking does cause these neurochemical changes, and he plans to conduct additional studies on animals to find out.


The findings might help to explain the effectiveness of a drug recently approved by the Food and Drug Administration as an aid for quitting smoking, the antidepressant buproprion. Paradoxically, buproprion is more effective for treating nicotine addiction in non-depressed smokers than in smokers who are depressed.



article from : http://www.pubmedcentral.nih.gov/articlerender.fcgi?artid=1172948

seriously damn moody.

mood swings are hitting me damn badly.

sigh.

>.<

I'm feeling much better today!

With so many nice people asking me why I was so pissed yesterday,

I can't help but feel better! (:

Of course the primary reason why i feel so much better...

Was because of the lame conversation i had with you last night!

Really, u made me un-emo! hahahah! =D.

I find it weird to like thank you on MSN, so i decided ill just do it here.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH!

You know who you are (:

BFF! =D

oxygen.

Because it feels less pain.

Because it feels empowering.

Because it does not give chance.

Because it is an expression.

Because it is intelligent.

Because it is strong.

Because it has loved before.

Because it wont love anymore.

Because it does not cry.

Friday : Timbre @ Old school. Erdingers + Godlike pizza + life band + gosu atmosphere + my good friends. what else can i ask for? maybe minus this stupid cough =|. pwned like 4 bottles of cheese powder =O anyway.. pictures! :D





1st round of erdingers!



Pizzas! ZOMG



2nd round of erdingers!



PIZZA ROUND 2 OMFG BBQ!



STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKE <3

Gosu Gosu Gosu!

Timbre again soon!

Damn sinful! look at the amount of magarine! =|



Fucking niceee. if only it was chicken thigh i used! ):



Seasoned and ready to cook!



The smell of capsicums and garlic is really a turn on for me! (:



SONG!

Sunday went to play DVG S2 Qualifiers at Cyberdome!

Met VV,Lyn,Walaoeh and bosetan for the first time in my life!

nice people (:

PICTURES!


Team Moimoipalaboy in action! From left : Ken,Gary,Oxy,Dan and Walaoeh!


2nd place! ): From left : Oxy,Gary,Ken,Daniel,Walaoeh!

Ciaos. next up is monday's post! =D

Saturday went to watch Singapore vs Kazhakstan! pictureeeeeeees




Yio Chu Kang Stadium!



Kazahakstan players at kick-off



Part # 2



Kazhakstan players when we are kicking our conversion



score board at halftime



2nd half! changed my spectator spot



Those boys in yellow, hit the kazakhastan supporters! damn funny. omg hahah!



the kick that will equalise..



final score ):

KOH POH TEE.

ROFL.

mega epic funny.

more stories about her today!

I can't wait till next friday.

more stories again! =D

hugely entertaining! WOOOT

What i thought was once lost, has found itself back to me.

its a warm feeling, and a happy one.

i succeeded or maybe it wasn't even my effort.

but the end result is all i care for. (:

Yesterday was a pretty epic day. Started off the day with rugby training @ 930. quite shag given i slept only 4 hours. rofl sux. boring. boring. boring! 2 hours 45 mins training. 1.5 hour circuit. 30 minutes fitness. 10 minutes match. the rest sitting around. what a boring day. but omg la. my teammate tio injured so bad, till need ambulance sia. -_-. his back is really gone. hopefully hes ok! =|

reached home at about 4pm. tired. bus-ed and train-ed down to clementi. met TA03 people for class BBQ! went to some ulu place in singapore science park? wtf? so anyway, went there and had the BBQ! the food was pretty ok!


THANK YOU WSL FOR SETTLING ALL THE FOOD (:


man, my friend owns at cooking marshmallows. why the marshmallow i cook look so crappy and taste ok, while the one she cooks looks decent and taste so nice?! lame! guess roasting marshmallows are just not my thing |=.

Birthday Celebration for Xiaoyu and Linda! there, i named another person. (:


Coped from WSL's blog. =X

followed off with some cakewar, with everyone getting cream-ed. no pun intended. my shirt which was black, became white, and oily. face oily. hair oily. omg. and that stupid crazy woman go throw my slippers into the pool. wth -_-. make me wet my pants to get it. -__-. after that came true or dare! as usual i hardly tio. but when i tio i go jump into the pool! wtf but quite fun la. other stupid events included a slipshot rendition of a sexual fantasy. and that only came as a question because everyone didn't know what to ask, and since it was that crazy woman... hehehehe. =D. my friend got to do a 5 act cute poses. gg no re. nothing else interesting. SIANS

got lost in Jurong East. lazy to write too much, but was freezing in the bus. like really. =| so decided to go clarke quay to join my friends at the other bday party! apparently details was rather sketchy, so ended up with 2 bitches drinking riverside! damn fun night! details are abit wrong, so shall not be written here! but heres some pictures!


gowad

Why the fuck are we laughing so hard?

1st try at group photo

my eyes are OMG SMALL -_-

see that white shirt? guess whats hes doing!

gowad lost his bag =O. poor dood. and he got a splinter in his finger! LMAO FUCKING ROFL. HAHAHAHAHA. G_G TO U S2BU. but im pretty sad bout ur bag still yeah. hahah! =D

So many things are happening!

#1 School sucks. and i still think it sucks
#2 I feel like i wronged someone, so yeah. i still feel bad and so. i shall make it up to you by... being ur best friend in class! =D as if i wasn't already =P.
#3 X-Men origins. is ownage! well all X-men are.
#4 Bro just came back from taiwan! 30 days there
#5 dad just came back from china! leaving on monday
#6 Drinking session on friday! Liquid Kitchen =D Erdinger!
#7 Rugby training tomorrow :\
#8 Class BBQ tomorrow! in commemoration of people's birthday! :D
#9 dunno dunno dunno :\