Humans are a wretched race. We were never intended for utmost happiness, and always intended for that unwavering pining for that something we do not posses. Life is meant to be un-fulfilling. When people achieve independence, will they pine for dependence, and when people are stuck in the confines of dependence, would they want to break off the shackles, and make their way towards independence. But then again, when the smoke clears, and the dust settles, did we actually want a change? The grass is always greener on the other side. Really, that is really the perfect description of how shallow, fucked up and idiotic humans are. That being said, I am definitely not exempted from that claim, and am instead one of the forerunners in proving my analogy.


Once, simplicity appeared to be a burden, and the feeling of dread would engulf my being, whenever that thought appeared. Once, dependence was very much restrictive, and the concept of independence appeared so appealing.

The void left behind by my condemnation of simplicity, has been hard to cover. I've been trying so hard, that sometimes I almost stumble over myself, in my desperate pursuit to recover that sensation.

Everyone wants independence. I was no exception, but when I got it, i really got it. Probably whatever i say next would make no sense, because in actual fact, theres noone who can understand genuinely how i feel. So yeah, guess i'll leave it at there.

Right now, all i'm pining for is the old days to return. days of innocence, days of peace, days of homework, days of unsung joy. If given a choice to rewind time, would i have chose something differently? yes, i would have. starting by not trying so hard to achieve mundane happiness. that's not what most normal people would want. and trust me, i'm one of the majority.


Foundations. Does that word ring any bells? Sure it does, we hear it through our entire education life. Primary school is the foundation for secondary school, secondary is the foundation for post-secondary education. etc. But this is also very applicable to our life. The foundations of our youth, shapes the way we are when we grow up. Why does a person enjoys computer games so much? Why does a person hate playing computer games? Why does a person always seem so joyful? Why does a person always seem so sulky? Why does some people smoke? Why don't some people smoke? Is it entirely genetic? or is there something else?


There are so many things that can be disputed in life. But taking a step back, it can all be traced back, to where it really counts, and that is our foundations, the fundamental years of our lives, primary and secondary school.

I know I am not a very good person, fuck, I know that I am actually pretty much a bad influence. I don't even want to start listing down, but i'm sure many people will know how fucked up I am. you don't have to say it. I can probably sense what everyone thinks already.

I have already decided to stop changing myself to suit every single person around. I don't want to change anymore. I am so fucking tired of trying. Look at me. I've tried so hard since secondary 3, to rediscover that feeling, and just when i thought I was so close, It just slipped out again, and now its near impossible. I once hoped to be attached by the time I am 18.

But you know what? I am already so disillusioned, so hapless, so helpless that I have already given up hope.

So the last thing I will say.

True, I may be one of the most fucked up person you may know.
In more ways than one.

but tbh, i don't give much of a shit anymore. not after all the crap i had to go through to get here. so yeah. life sucks, ill get over it soon.