Today's rugby match didnt go too well. was incredibly lazy for the first half, well i ate a heavy breakfast at 840, and the match was at 945. kinda expected. but my second half performance was much better, and the feeling of captaining the forwards for that few minutes, was very uber too =) it really give me much impetus to run around non stop. it was still kinda saddening that we lost 5 tries to 1, but given 4 tries came from the first half. it was pretty much 1-1 in the second half, and we never started our 1st team. so nothing really much to cry about. Went back to NP to bathe, rather i didnt as i already changed @ ACS(I) so i just went there and grab a drink and went back.

Gym @ evening, went 23 mins cardio/fitness.


dunno why, but im having periodic pangs of sadness again. I tried very hard to maintain a positive outlook to life, to the extent for a period of time, i kept silent no matter what was thrown at me. I cant take it anymore. How fucked up life can get for me. feel like mass whining, but cant whine here for obvious reason. zzz.

2 days into the new school term, and im already boreding to death.

zzzzz.

today got some huge surprise..

my ITB got A+.

what a joke. i thought i was gonna flunk it.

but what a pleasant joke =)

tomorrow rugby!

Woot! looking forward to it.

This sat got match vs ACS(I)!

=DDD

I never thought i would say this like anytime.

But im beginning to like rugby.

The club U-20s finals on saturday, gave me the dreadful feeling of finishing runners up @ a major tournament for the 4th time in a row. 2 times, last minute tries, and conversions killed us. the other 2, one was a screwed up referee, the other, i really didnt feel it cause i wasn't playing.

When u turn around, you see people rushing onto the field, shouting and beaming will smiles somewhat, and hugging each other, and you see yourself and your teammates looking despondent and walking around zombified, is a feeling that you would not want to be repeated.

Sports is such an emotional activity.

It induces the extreme ends of emotions, happiness, anger, sadness, excitedness. in every finals i played, i felt like crying when we lost. its so disappointing, when you lose by a narrow margin, when you have given it your all. if only i was more match-fit. i would have started on saturday, and may have made it in the starting line-up, and may have resulted in a win. so much possiblities. if i had stayed on my feet with the try line 4 metres from me, and touched it down, it would have been 20-17.


hais.


Nevermind.. im looking forward to POLITE cup. 1st match vs RP(17 july), 2nd vs TP(21 july), 3rd vs TP(24 july), 4th vs ITE(28 july) a tournament spanning 2 weeks, with 1 game very 4 days. =D fun fun fun!

21 June 2008. Saturday. My club u-20s rugby finals. I haven't been contributing much to the season, and as a matter of fact, i only went for 1 match so far, which was the semi-finals. i doubt i will start on saturday, given that i performed really crappy on tuesday.(ok i was bloody match-unfit) Regardless, ill still be going, just in case anything happens, but i do expect to come on as a substitute, cause i believe im better than the two first team props, should i be fit again come saturday. oh well. its up to the coach. see what he thinks =].

17 July 2008. Thursday. POLITE cup starts. on my fucking birthday. what a way to spend that day eh? 7pm somemore. knnbcb. hais.. sian 1/2...

grr.

Time to sleeeeps =|

Recently been having some kind of revamp of my life. What started off as a mere job being a DOTA marshall for ESWC, has now made me play back DOTA. I haven't played DOTA for a pretty long time, since interschool earlier this year, which brings it to nearly 3 months, and it is really kinda refreshing to touch DOTA again, after a very long lay-off. What i saw there, prompted me to play back DOTA, when i realised that i could make a difference. I'm not complimenting myself, or saying i'm good. i'm just stating possibilities. But regardless, its pretty nice to be clicking 1 hero instead of 2 heroes and a whole bunch of nonsense.



so many things happening so fast, in the blink of an eyelid, its already wednesday morning 2:07 AM, its been 10 days since holidays started, and it feels like a day. horrible feeling. School's first term jumped by. Rugby trainings jump by. Suffering jumped by. Negativity dispersed and reformed in rapid succession, joy was short-lived, and whats left now, is a person with an increase in confidence, and a greater passion for life.

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

How do you view success:

Success in your career is not the most important thing in life. You are content with what you have and think that being with someone you love is more than spending all of your precious time just working.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.


Do you have a chance with the one you love?

You have no confidence. You try to take chances but always miss them since you are too scared to really jump in and try.

In any case, if you don't make any efforts to meet people, no relationship is going to get started.



LOL

Q : How to tell someone you love them

YOU NEED A THIRD PARTY

You have no idea at all about how to tell the one that you have fallen in love with. It's safe to say that asking a friend for help is your best solution to get started.

>.<


wow. quite a few of it reflects how i think about myself. quite a gosu test! =]

This holidays to-do list.

1) Learn HTML,XML
2) Get prepared for WCG
3) Buff myself up
4) Abuse my Photoshop
5) Spot X
6) Chill Out


pretty short and sweet =O

Euro2008 Fever!

10:02 AM in the morning. 1:30 PM is my ITB paper, and i've decided to stop studying, and indulge in one of my personal hobbies, writing. Projects for ITB is fine, even though i did whine abit, I had already came to terms with that module having a relevant project. but a written paper? For god's sake. when we go to work, are we supposed to need to know what is software? what is the 3 information systems? or was it 4? IT is a practical module. not a theory module. This is a terrible joke if it can even be considered one.


But regardless... I've decided to do something i've not done in a long time! And that is to write some essay!



Hobbies. What is a hobby? A hobby is something that we like to indulge our free time in doing, and enjoy doing it. It has always been closely linked with our favourite pasttimes. So what is the discerning factor? Past times are something we like to do to pass time while waiting for something. Examples like swatting flies,(some people do get a high from killing flies), but essentially, something which is my past time, can be someone's hobby, and vice versa. However, i will be touching mainly on what benefits in store would a hobby provide us.


Firstly, hobbies are already a highly integrated part of my lifestyle today. My life is revolving around what i can control, rather than what i can't. I have never been a strong believer of oppression. Neither am I a loyal follower of dictatorship. My life has always been about balance, my wants, and how I affect others. Hence, studying was never on the top of my list, as it dosen't affect anyone else, its not even within a yards punt from my wants, and it does transcends a little on balance, which is why I still study, despite major objections from my mental health. Let me sidetrack a little here already. I have had many classifications over my numerous years of existence.

"Weak, Unfriendly, friendly, arrogant, humble, weak-minded, cocky, humble."

Highly contradictory eh? I accept judgement as being part of communal living. I definitely do not live in a one-man island in the middle of the pacific ocean, neither am i chained in a dungeon many floors underground, i live like any other normal person, in a community, hence its easy to come to terms of being scrutinised by public eye everywhere we go. To a certain extent, all the criticsm made me who I am today, but i'm not going to go into my life story, neither do i want to. But regardless, the word arrogant, has a very strong link to a few of my hobbies.


Hobbies define who we are as a person. Researchers have found identical looking people. They can create clones, and almost replicate everything of a person, but can 2 persons have a 100% of the same hobbies? I will take a short example, If my hobbies are sleeping, reading books and playing badminton. I prefer badminton over books and sleeping, and sleeping over books. which means it is somewhat a badminton > sleeping > books relationship. Can a seperate individual have a similar relationship? Even so, what is the likelihood of the other indivudal having a similar amount of passion as me? In saying thus, im trying to elaborate the point that hobbies are unique to the individual. Noone, can take that away from you.


Hobbies are great fun to some people. In my text, there are 2 kinds of hobbies. Relaxation hobbies, and stressful hobbies. Relaxation hobbies are hobbies that cant retaliate, like listening to music, reading books, sleeping, eating, there are all one-sided activities. This is my favourite kind of hobby, whereby i will just lie down somewhere in my house, get a few pillows blast some music and grab a couple of books and waste a couple of hours in a spot. highly relaxing. The other, i would aptly term it as a stressful hobby. Stressful hobby is what my life is all about. I love competition. I love winning, i hate losing. Which brings it back to why people think i'm arrogant. When I achieve or win something, i have this inner sense of pride that cannot be expressed in mundane terms, and it reflects on my face. I never want to rub it in when i win, neither do i snub my opponent, its just that the feeling of esctacy takes over me. Regardless, stressful hobbies to me are competitive hobbies, such as my gaming, when i square off against another human opponent, rugby, and any other hobby with a goal in mind. Hence when people ask me, and they still do, which i still find comical to this day, i thought when you play games you should relax? why u become more stressed? Maybe it just dosent apply to me, just maybe.


Lastly, hobbies are nearly almost preset. It all depends on how we are raised as kids and our genes that often determine our hobbies. Some peers with a excellent pair of caring parents, exhibit a higher willingness to help the community. Indulging in voluntary community work, and sometimes overseas trips. I am in no way taking a dig at them, it is highly respectable, and I too recognise that. Some people with the direct opposite, tend to indulge in either individual activities, or gangsterism. I have seen it with my own pairs of eyes, both opposite ends of this vicious spectrum. Other hobbies such as music, is almost universal, and those who know how to read, will always like reading when they pick up a good book. But more unique hobbies are more determined by our families rather than external influences.


ok 10:45 am finally finished.

rather poor written essay i guess. very natural this time, did not try to substitute my thoughts with vocabulary.

When some things transit from a novelty to a drag, it is incredibly tiring, and unspeakably draining to keep pining for a unlikely reversal. As matters unfold with every passing minute, it is becoming increasingly apparent that i'm the only fool which carries this burden. I self-consult a lot. almost too much, to the extent that i lay out all possibilities before it happens, taking refuge in the good, and shy from the bad. all imagination. In the existing world, it is not as i hope and perceive it to be one day, it is instead a cruel world, where people are unfortunately unable to employ mind-reading powers. I proclaim myself to be a talented individual, but is never able to prove it in school. Staring at the cocky guys in my class receive a script with grades greater than mine by at least 2, was of no stranger to me. i wonder, am i really talented? In actual fact, all i have in this life, was all my hard work, and talent. I've never been a lucky person. I don't think i ever will. I will even take a step further into delusion, when some things do work out for me, i will aptly name it fate, and not im lucky. reason? simple. i don't believe in luck. Ironic isn't it? I been trying to interpret god-sent signs, from being caught in the rain, to even changing songs on shuffle. honestly, its once again, part of my attempt to delude myself further, into it is still possible. As im writing this, i harbour a outside chance of it still happening, but delusion must stop somewhere, and i know it will not happen. If my character reading analysis is correct, theres no way it would happen.



Regardless, im not even gonna mention school. been kinda depressing for me. just wanna live life out fully.

3 things that define my life now, outside of school work.

Gym.
Rugby.
WC3.