Whatever Makes You Happy

A lonely night seems so long

Search for Strength to carry on

My every hope has seemed to die

My eyes have no more tears to cry

And like the sun shining from up above

You surrounded me with your endless love

And all the things I couldn’t see

Well now its all clear to me

You are my everything

Nothing your love wont bring

My life is yours alone

Only love I have ever known

Your spirit pulls me through

When nothing else will do

Every night I pray,

Don’t Abandon me

That you will always be my everything

And all my hopes and all my dreams

Suddenly realtiy

You have opened up my heart to feel

a kind of love that is only real

A guiding light that will never fade

Theres not a thing in life I will ever trade

For the love you give I wont let go

I hope you will always know

You are my everything

Nothing your love wont bring

My life is yours alone

The Only love I have ever known

Your spirit pulls me through

When nothing else will do

Every night I pray,

Don’t Abandon me

That you will always be my everything

You are the breath of life in me

Only one that sets me free

And you have made my soul complete

For all time and for all time

You are my everything

Nothing your love wont bring

My life is yours alone

The only love I have ever known

Your spirit pulls me through

When nothing else will do

Every night I pray

Don’t abandon me

That you will always be my everything

Be my everything

You are my everything

Nothing your love wont bring

My life is yours alone

The only love I have ever known

Your spirit pulls me through

When nothing else will do

Everynight I pray

Don’t abandon me

That you will always be

My everything, oh my everything

98 Degrees - My everything

anyone who wants the song can just pm me on msn, i'll be on rather often.

Sian Sian² Sian³
Sad Sad² Sad³
Frustrated Frustrated² Frustrated³

Bit by bit... Slowly... Day by day...

life sucks* 4:18 PM

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Ok. i nearly flared up yesterday, and i did today. this is ridicule. I'm flaunting most rules in the school rule book. i have Colored hair, Spiky, No Slope, Sleeping in class, playing cards during classes, literally disrespecting the teachers. school.. Hmm, Haiz... Ah well! =\

I think my condition is solitary, one of its kind. i keep trying to reach for things, i will never get. aim for heights i will never reach, run huge distances, which i can never cover. pray for a miracle, which will never happen. WCG champion? Crap. Rugby mVp? Nonsense. A1 for my studies? Jokes! Wishing for a friendship like S.H.E's? Dream on!. Confidante? Nice try, Big time. ever since i tried becoming more friendly and open, what i have achieved is relentless blows on my confidence and mental state. I don't want to feel like this anymore. It just does not flow with my style. I would rather do everything on my own, quit gaming, once and for all. forget about everything else, concentrate on my studies... and my interests, but yet i know it isn't possible. the day, i achieve a ceasefire between my heart and my mind, will be the day i would go back to my old self. this won't ever be easily attainable, i will do my utmost to ensure it would. i don't know... but this HQ competition... will be the last ever.. competition for me.. no more competitive gaming.. No no. all my gaming friends, Nah.. i don't want to be part of them anymore. gives me too many mixed feelings...

God give me strength.

Welcome to the real world.

"Hi."

life sucks* 4:21 PM

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Monday, January 22, 2007

Ever since i saw you again recently, i have literally been non-stop thinking. was it by chance? was it god's fate? am i supposed to say i'm lucky? or am i supposed to say i've been made to feel like a fool? The earlier is if I have really gotten over it, and the latter if i haven't. contemplation, consideration, choosing. as hard, as i try. amazing effort i tried, it was the latter... I am not supposed to feel like this. you are not supposed to know too anyway, you have a great bunch of similar gender friends and confidants in your group of common interests friends, another guy as your friend, and many other school friends for you to pour out your troubles to...

Playing WC solo the whole day, Playing online CS on my own, playing Offline Games all by my own, staying home all by my own. not going out, keeping to myself. Go for autograph sessions alone, wait for countless hours in the rain by myself when looking around, not a single person was alone except for me. what does this all point out to? simply put, this is acts of a lonely, introvert person. the day came when i met you, and everything changed, it became online games with your friends... i shall stop here. in case you should ever read this, i wouldn't want to cause any awkardness... lets keep things at it is... =)

nearly flared up. the first time.. this year, i nearly flared up.. Hais.. mental toll > physical toll. doing anything alone, seems so hard... Hais...

Tired,Stressed,Lonely,Pathethic Me.

life sucks* 8:39 PM

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Saturday, January 20, 2007

Today, i witnessed a very revolting sight. one that will make many quiver in sheer disgust, one that will send chills down your spine. a act of a person void of human emotions. one that makes you wonder, why did it happen. this is not what u think it might be, in stark contrast, its far off. what exactly is it? i witnessed a live action, of a very despicable, noxious scum of the society. a thought provoking question. why do young people, take the route of a gangster, and give up their studies? are they so ahem. pardon me. but are they so fucking stupid? they waste their parents money... go school and become a gangster? seriously, they think its cool? keeping long, colored hair, sporting lavish accessories. wearing earrings. Give me a break. am i supposed or rather, is the general public supposed to think, " Hey, that guy is cool. hes in secondary school but look @ what he wears! i want to be like him! ". Seriously just fuck off. this bastards. deserve to be an outcast, thrown out of their homes, and sent probably to a dog house or something. fucking bastards.

back to the incident, as i was queuing up to buy food during recess today, i saw this burly big sized gangster from normal technical getting a drink. whats so special about him? he had golden streaks of hair, earrings, and the most revolting thing is that he carries his bag infront of him, thinking he looks really cool. fine, hes insecure, its his outlook. period. i dont care. what really turned me off was that he went up to the counter, took a drink, and not only did he not pay, and not immediately scram when he actually stole the drink, he brazenly, shamelessly, looked around for the straw infront of the shop owner. the shop owner, was clearly in shock, as i saw her, she was a rather old auntie, but she must have experienced it before, as i sensed the feeling of resignation in her. what a total jerk, bastard. honestly, no express student in my school would have done such a thing.

let me stop here for a moment. i know quite a few normal academic and technical friends. they are quite nice people, a vast difference between those and the person i just described. its not a stereotype, its a few isolated cases in my sad school. condemn those bastardss!

life sucks* 11:15 PM

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Thursday, January 11, 2007

Wow, i have not updated for so damn long. i guess its time for me to update... =\. recently a whole bunch of things are happening in my life. i will exclude feelings, as it is never positive. or so i suppose. ah wellz. who cares. just no emoing here. not now at least. not today. not this post. the main 3 events or things i think is important to me, is Rugby, my new DOTA team, and S.H.E ambience.

Rugby.
I havent touched a rugby ball for maybe after the 31st of July 2005? till yesterday was about 16 months and 8 days. yet, yesterday, after constant persuasion, and a desire to play back, i decided to go back to rugby. im really feeling really nice support from my ex-teammates, now present teammates. so i hope i can persevere to play rugby in sec4. first day of training, the warm-up was really queer, or maybe im not used to it, simple ball skills, with a touch of physicality at the end. then, it was the usual warm-up session, simple hits, rucks, mauls, double bangs, attack and defence. unit skills and team-run. very satisfying indeed, although i came off with a bad back and all. i really hate team-runs. after training so much, still need to go do this kind of lame things... nah, i just hate em! but i'll play better in a match though =D. very disappointed in Tak Wah for not joining back with me. even though im a much worse slacker than him, i joined back and he didn't.. haish.

Geminga!
A neutron star 600 million light years from earth... wait what am i saying?! Geminga is my "new" dota team (not). it was formed recently with only 1 other member from wrath for the Telok Blangah CC competition. however now, Geminga is now formed out of the bulk of the former team wrath. hence, i called it new. as i said once, and again, and again. we got wang's legendary RK. Lolx =X. anyway, thats just about it for Dota ba.. =D

S.H.E ambience
whats that? oh, its basically the S.H.E fanclub i registered for, during the december holidays. i was always wanting to get into this fanclub, so when my friend told me there was going to be a recruitment drive soon, i immediately told him i wanted to go, and on that day, albeit sadly though, it was the same day as my RGN semi-finals and half-way through watching Revo vs Zenith, i had to go. and i was still late! i had to take a Taxi to marina square and reached there @ 450. the closing time was 500 so yeah.. wtf.. ah well.. anyway really looking forward to being with this new group of friends! i hope =D

life sucks* 10:54 PM

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