It's been a long time since i last smiled out of genuine happiness... maybe, it can date back to a year plus? most smiles i do now, is out of formality, respect, or merely thinking it is utterly lame. i could get by easily, as i had other avenues of enjoyment.

now...

i can't play wc solo no more, cos vista dosent support ggc, or vice versa,
i play dota nowadays, i lose like 90%, i get more pissed than i even started,
so much stress coming from multiple directions, studies, families, relationships...


all these happened at the wrong time, wrong year. why can't it just stall for 2 more months, when after that i could at least be flexible with my time? im short on time, both in real life, and mentally.

dota pubs, put me on my literal wits end, it makes me want to explode verbally, or implode violently. and i keep playing it, hoping for me to start winning. but it never happens. i feel so damn useless and retarded. would u believe that a draft like,

Sentinel (oppo)
Silencer
SK
Lion
Rhasta
NA

can beat our draft of like
BB
Viper
Potm
Zeus
Vs


and the game dragged to like 70 minutes?

such small things like this, is what is pissing me off. its accumulative... i cant think straight anymore. to even arrange this shit.


my life is devoid of happiness, whose void, was filled with endless problems.