I understand why most people i know, whether very closely, or just merely recognize, will so many of them be shocked at my age. most first reactions are that i'm kidding. or something. i always thought it was due to one reason, being the physical build i have. apparently not. it seems that the gamer average age is about 18. mine was too far off course. hence it was a cause of wonder. it was as though, i was literally like the extra. honestly, i wouldn't deny that. there was once, i was even called Spongebob Shortpants by my mVp clan mates. why? in the WCG inter-school 2005, i won the first place, and due to formality, my picture was taken, with me holding my prize, alas, i was wearing short pants. means i was >sec 2. i always regarded it as a joke. and i still will. but this shows the age gap, between myself and them.


i always thought as i have written previously. that creating a niche for myself in certain, was all that mattered. with it would come everything else i lacked in life. or so i thought. so many things came. some expected, accepted, wanted. others, unwanted.

in light of this, i realize... what they say is beyond 100% true. im not even legal yet. why should i try to mix with people who are legal say 2 years, 1 year ago? ginahs should stick to their own circle of friends, as with those not. i had enough of trying to do something which noone had done before. i had enough of trialing a new route. i will just give in to sheer peer influence. and become what i formally was.


keeping what i want to say,
kills off any possible inspiration.
i yearn to get it off my chest,
so that at last,
i can be inspired by anything
to let my fingers move freely,
and compose essays,
once again for leisure
to entertain myself.