I finally realise, what so many people were trying to tell me, when i asked. whether it is coincidentally, or intentionally, i've understooded the rationality, and the way to give something up. giving something up, easy, depending on the degree of importance to us. simple things like lending a book, is like "giving up" the book for a period of time, with no gurantee of getting it back. that is easy, should we not need it. things that is of little importance to us, giving up, is beyond easy. its merely just a process, and we are going through the motion. But when things get beyond little importance, i realised that its no longer that easy. Take the handphone for example. How willing are we to give up our phone for only a single day? even though it is just a single day, and we are guranteed the return the following day, we will hardly ever give it up, simply because, we place a huge importance on our phone. the same work with life. everytime we feel like giving up, the only thing that prevents us from doing so, is that we value highly that instance, that object, that process, that relationship.

"I will quit competitive gaming after CAPL spring."
"I will quit competitive gaming after ESWC."
"I will quit competitive gaming after WCG."
"I will quit competitive gaming after WGT."

why does all that seem ever so familar? its all because i said it before, i've written it before. but i've never done it. something about gaming, always bring me back, after i decided to quit. its that irreplaceable feeling in me, that always bring me back. the only reason why i can't quit is because, i don't have any other game to play, nothing else to do. even by comforting myself that i can just mass watch dramas, it won't work. i've got maybe an average of 8 hours day free, how many days can i last in proportion to the dramas? and at what cost? same with the rest, i dont have anything else to do, that's why i would never give up competitive gaming, as its literally the only thing that is giving me some life, in my otherwise monotonous life. same with relationships, when we are experiencing a situation of utmost bliss, and comfort, or the minimal amount of care, which we hold so dear, should it suddenly be withdrawn, and the other party states that he is giving up, what are we to do? wallow in self pity? drown sorrows in something else? consequent result, a distracted person to boot, the whole day round, with weird habits displaying. the only logical way to end it, is for us to give it up too. giving up without any replacement, needs a whole lot of willpower, and clarity in thinking, something which we, as humans, mostly lack. we are so used to being led around, being told exactly what to do, that when we become detached from our reliant lifestyle, and we have to make a serious stand, and think for the betterment of ourselves, we more often than not, falter. only other way is to find a substitute, a replacement, that will give us the same sense of security, as we had previously.

in light of this, now i know why i still cant give it up, even though i've told myself to just fuck off from this, stay away from this, dont think about it, it always reverts back to the same thing. will it change once i find someone else? i don't know, i doubt it, but the future is for us all to behold.