i wish to stop gaming right now.as in totally stop. play casually. with my school friends. stop aiming for prizes. aim for laughter and something to reminicse when time catches up with us. but i cant. and am unwilling to let go. with everyday that passes, im getting more and more convinced of the prospect of winning something. i cant let down wrath or geminga now. we are so close to winning something again. i am so afraid of letting people down. i cant live up to others expectation of me. i always care about other's opinion of me. i care too much. i feel too much. but yet. there is noone, noone to tell all my problems. i guess. im a failure so far. i guess thats what fuels my passion. i guess. this is why idols are so addictive. really worshipped. cos of all the lonely people like me. out there without a person who really cares. the warmth.. idols give me is better than the sastifaction i get out from a good result in studies. or even being a champion in anything. the warmth they give... is like no other. irreplacable.